Season 2 – Episode 9. Released on April 7, 2015.
Live Your Freedom (with Amber Lilyestrom)
INTRO
Today on Waking Up In America, I’m talking to Amber Lilyestrom, soul based branding and business coach, creative entrepreneur and writer. Amber’s goal is to help her clients connect with their personal definition of freedom and from there build business that communicate authentic messages and change lives.
BUMPER
I am Tajci.
At 19 I was a superstar and I was lost inside. I left it all behind, switched continents and started all over. Years later I found myself lost again. This time in the American dream.
This is a story about awakening. About living the life you were created for. About going inward and discovering the joyous and purposeful person you and I are both meant to be.
This is “Waking Up In America.”
TAJCI
Amber, I’m so glad this happened finally.
AMBER
Finally!
TAJCI
In Boston!
AMBER
We are together!
TAJCI
How cool
AMBER
I know!
TAJCI
You worked on our brand and I’m so grateful to you for that. I met you through a Facebook group and you were recommended to me by another lady from England. I love how we’re all connected! There is so much power in that, isn’t it?
AMBER
Really.
TAJCI
So, what I first felt from, just even communicating through internet, was this huge, just intense, love and power and energy and just really, a belief that anything is possible and you can do it!
AMBER
Right! You can!
TAJCI
I wanna know where does that come from for you?
AMBER
Yea! So, for me, I think it just comes from my childhood experiences of being an athlete so aptly we are in this athletic venue to do this episode. And then, my whole journey has been… through my body experiencing challenges and being in the world and facing my fears essentially and just trying to push through it and physically doing it, thus convincing myself, realizing that if I think about what it is that I want to do I can actually, physically do it on the planet. So starting as a young athlete was a really great place to learn that lesson.
TAJCI
Yes, I understand… you know, coming from the world of music, I guess, for me it’s visualizing that I am performing and everything is going well, but it doesn’t really work as well because it’s not that shot that you can see so clearly and I love that about athletes, that you get to practice that really focused visualizing the score.
AMBER
Right, the repetition. And also what you are physically capable of within the space of team environment, and all that. At the end of the day…
TAJCI
I don’t know any of that…
AMBER
You are responsible for what you bring to that team. So I think being a part of a team was a really great learning opportunity for me. And then it translated into a career as well as Collegiate Athletics Marketing Administrator and so that’s why we are here at Boston College because I have some lovely friends who made it possible for us to be here, but it’s really cool for me too, to look back at that ice rink and realize that, you know, for ten years I was entertaining crowds and working with season ticket holders and fans and interacting with the athletes and the coaches, and now to be here in my entrepreneurial journey but realizing that I haven’t left this behind I take it with me.
All the things I learned, I take with me. I was a college athlete, I kind of just moved into the career, was on the track, stepping up the ladder, was promoted every two years, did really well, and I was positioned to be a president of the Sport Marketing Professional organization for the whole country. I was going to be that president. That’s what everybody wants, right?
TAJCI
Did you want that?
AMBER
Well, that’s a good question, isn’t it? I thought I did. I really did, you know. Every choice I’ve made, I’ve been fully present in that choice when I’ve made it. And so, my heart really was there, but when I had my awakening, right?… when I had my moment, I realized that I had signed up for someone else’s achievement system and it wasn’t really what my heart wanted.
TAJCI
Even though you thought that’s the life you wanted. Because it was in the alignment with your passion, sports and marketing. So, which part wasn’t there?
AMBER
Yea, that’s a good question. The sports, the passion, the people, the teaching, I was helping people, I love that… I was teaching students, I loved that. But I was chained to a job that required me to be there 40-50 hours a week and I didn’t have the time freedom that I wanted in my life to explore the other things: the spiritual part of my life, my true heart’s calling and passion and the writer part of me.
I couldn’t give up that time to do those things when I had to dedicate my whole self to my job.
TAJCI
Yes. So, for me, it was just music, music, music, to a point where I don’t know who I am because I am so invested into my music part of me. It sounds like that. And so many of us, it’s really… because it feels good, you get your validation, get your paycheck, everything is there, right? What else should you want? And why not just live it and be grateful?
AMBER
Right.
TAJCI
So then you had your waking up moment.
AMBER
I did. So… on August 29th 2013 my daughter was born, which, you know, for any parent that’s an awakening moment in of itself. You know.
TAJCI
Yea… life changing!
AMBER
Yea, completely. And so, on that day, like everything else in my life, I had thought OK, this is the schedule, it’s going well. I went into labor, I drove myself to the hospital, it was going so quickly, went into labor and things were progressing really quickly and I thought, wow I’m gonna, we’re gonna do this thing. And things just kind of weren’t working. And my daughter’s heart rate was raised. And I was having issues with a fever and I wasn’t feeling well, and they said we need to do a Cesarean section, and I didn’t want to do that, but at that point of course, I’m gonna do anything to make sure that my daughter and I are both OK, and so they brought me in and they gave me the spinal tap and laid me down and they started to prep me for the procedure.
And before I realized there was a bag over my face, and I was having a really hard time breathing, and I literally was suffocating. I couldn’t breathe. It was… my diaphragm had frozen from spinal tap and so my lung volume was extremely diminished to the point where I was kind of like loosing consciousness. It happened so fast.
One second we had Jack Johnson music playing and we were all in the room like yea, we get to meet her and I get to tell you her name, and all these things, and all of the sudden everyone is quiet, the music is off and the surgeon is asking the anesthesiologist, what can I do to help? And I’m realizing something’s not OK. My husband is not here, and I’m starting to loose my grip.
And in that space, the words that were bubbling up in my head were I have so much more to do here and I’m not doing it. And that… it was profound. And it was a moment of whatever happens is going to happen. But I knew, in my surrender…
I had this moment of surrender where, OK, whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen and, but no matter what, when I leave this operating room things are going to change, right? I am going to make a change.
And when I surrendered to that, I could breathe again. It was amazing!
TAJCI
So what I hear is… so you spend your whole life, you have, you visualize the success, you know how you’d get there, you hit all the marks, and now you are in a situation where you really don’t have that control. And, all of a sudden you are responsible for this new life that’s growing inside of you and you want to be a part of it. And yet, there is nothing you can do… and that’s the moment of surrender that you’re talking about…
AMBER
Completely… It was humbling and I said, OK… I got you! I hear you! And I had to honor that awakening, and I said this before I felt as though I was reborn in that operating room. There was no way I was going to leave that room the same.
TAJCI
So, what did you do to not go back to the sameness? Because that’s the scary thing… You know now, you want to change something, you have to change something, you want to… you were there… but you still have to take steps.
AMBER
Right. Scary steps! You have to say things that are coming from a place of your heart-fulness, but you’re still not 100% sure, you know, how is this gonna work out. Now I have another mouth to feed, I have a mortgage to pay, I have all these things I need to do, I’ve worked so hard and everybody knows me as this person. And now, are they going to think that, you know, I’m not her? Or that I was being disingenuous, because to me, that’s not how I wanna operate in the world. I really try to go with my whole heart in everything that I do, and so it took time…
It took some time, you know. Obviously I came out of there, I had a lot of complications to deal with, I’m a new mom, I have a new baby…
TAJCI
And it doesn’t come with a manual either.
AMBER
No, at all… And so, that took some months to figure that out. But when I went back to work in December, I remember feeling like an alien when I got back to work. I felt like I just… everything had changed in my world, while I was away. And it was the first time in my life that I had spent a concentrated time away from this kind of environment. I was a college athlete, I was in the funnel to become one, then I started my job and I was in that space, and it was such a competitive, you know, movement based field to be in. It was like always have something happening, there is a lot of energy and fun around it…
But I never had a chance to step away, so I’d stepped away after having this awakening moment. I’m now a mom realizing that, now that I’m back at work, all I’m doing is leaving all the time, and that’s just not the mom I wanna be. I don’t want to have to leave all the time, if I can figure out another solution.
TAJCI
Yes, and in that space that you were away, it did change the pattern, like you said, it threw you off of a carousel, I like to talk about carousels… It threw you off and you were now in a different space and you maybe had a different perspective on who you are and what you want and so when you came back you say: wow, am I an alien? That’s such a great picture!
AMBER
That’s how I felt like, I just remember looking around at a meeting and, I loved these people, I mean I’ve worked with them for a decade, you know and looking at them, just saying, I don’t think I want the same things that you guys want any more. And being afraid to figure out how I was going to say that in a way that wasn’t going to be threatening, right?
TAJCI
Was there grief? Because you spent so much of your life investing into this. I’m asking all these questions because I think that’s what stops us to really make this step. Even if we have our awakening, or a wake up call, so many of us just retrieve back. There is fear, like you said, I built this for all these years… grief, oh so much grief… So how did you… you obviously worked through that.
AMBER
I did. One of the things that was a really powerful exercise for me was on December 31st, 2013 I wrote a letter to myself. To my future self. And I wrote: dear future self… and I wrote this letter of what I envision for my future, what I really wanted 2014 to look like. And from my space of love and truth. And I wrote it, and I sealed it, and I just really focused on what those intentions were. And then, you know, I just started kind of investing into that kind of visualizing and journaling and really thinking about what it was that I wanted to create in my life.
TAJCI
So you write the letter and it sounds like again, you are using pretty much the similar exercise of setting up a goal, but did you, did this letter contain the other… the spiritual, emotional?
AMBER
You know what the difference was? That I was focusing on how I wanted to feel.
TAJCI
Oh, beautiful!
AMBER
I was focusing on how I wanted to feel and one of those big feelings was I wanted freedom in my life. And I was really clear that I wanted freedom.
And so, then it was, OK, now that I’ve cleared it out that it’s freedom, what are the steps that I now need to put into place to achieve that freedom.
TAJCI
So instead of going outward, what you wanted outwardly your life to look like, what did you want to feel from the inside. And that is more in the alignment with who we are.
AMBER
That’s right.
TAJCI
Beautiful! And to figure it all out, to have such a life change at your age, at such early age and then to allow your life to bloom and thrive with your daughter… what a gift!
AMBER
It is. I’m humbled every single day.
TAJCI
And you also give back.
AMBER
Yea, because that’s what we are put here to do and I feel that I can do that even more now, because as an entrepreneur I have a little more freedom, a little more room to do fun things, fun projects that really come from my truth and my heart.
TAJCI
And tell us about those.
AMBER
Yea. So I’m a soul based branding and business coach, right now. I’m also a writer.
TAJCI
OK. What is… for those who don’t know much about soul based branding, how is that different..
AMBER
So, it’s different because I work with my clients on helping them get in alignment with their truth whatever that happens to be and I help them design businesses and brands that are going to reflect that truth.
So many times we create businesses and structures of things that we think that we are supposed to be doing because we read or we did a course, or it’s like ‘the right thing to do’, but it’s not really the right thing if it doesn’t feel right for you.
And so, my whole goal and focus for my clients is helping them access that truth and that love and that joy and that service and figuring out how they’re going to give to grow.
TAJCI
You’re gonna arrive there, be successful and say, oh, I didn’t… this is not it. I’m still not fulfilled.
AMBER
Right. And that creates all the spiral effects of addiction and abuse and all these other things that can possibly happen as a by product to medicate yourself through that struggle, so… I really believe that I’m helping people and their families and their soul’s calling by doing this work in this way, so it feels very holy to me.
TAJCI
Absolutely. And I believe that by you helping individuals, then we, each one of us that you help, we show up, we have more opportunity to show up who we are and then change the world. . What I love about your work is that we have these exterior manifestations of our gifts of how we show up, you know… through music, through video show, through brand coaching and life coaching, but what I love that you focus on is that really that it has to come from inwards. And I, I’m passionate about inspiring to make that change within, to really look into our souls and find out who we are first, in order to make this… to carve out the path and then set up goals and visions for us…
So you have a course that I love: the Mama Revolution. Is that what it’s called?
AMBER
Yea.
TAJCI
And if I had it when my kids were little, when I had three toddlers at home and I was still working, I said, I would have paid big money for it, and yours is so beautifully constructed. Tell us a little bit about it.
AMBER
Yea, so it’s a six weeks course that and really it’s, again if I had it a year or two ago, that would have been helpful, but that was one of my big goals, creating content for my former self, because I know there are women who are in my shoes, the shoes that I was in before now.
And I really want to give them hope and to give them direction and also permission to want what they really want and to create it in the world, and so the whole notion of this course is to not only support them in building a brand or a business that comes from their heart, that, whatever their skill set is, we do a lot of mind set work to help them get to the place of being ready to do that creation work, because, as you know, getting to that space of wanting to do something that you are really passionate about, you gotta go through a lot of steps to get there…
So we go through those steps, and we do some of the action to get it moving and created. And then I also weave in there how to do it as a mom, because it is a really different dynamic as a work at home mom than it is for people who are working in a corporate job. Yes we have child care issues or not, but most of the time, when a woman makes a transition to do an entrepreneurial venture from home, the chief goal is to be home with a child, and you can’t really do the work the way you wanna do it when you have an 18 month old climbing on your desk and up on your computer and taking selfies and stuff, right? So… how to do that, how to make that work in a way that’s going to feel good financially, feel good in your heart, that you are not sitting at your desk feeling guilty, and also, feel both of you – your child and you.
TAJCI
One thing for me was, as soon as I would get into my creative mode, everything was set up, you know, little one of them would come and say: “Mama can you tuck me in or read me a story?” And by the time I’d do that, my creative, my song was gone. Forget about it! But even if it’s not business you are building, I find you course even just for how to organize my day, to make it through and still.. because the kids… I love the quote by Khalil Gibran, when he says: our kids do not belong to us, they are not our own. They are their own people. And they pass through our lives, and we give them everything that we can, and we want to spend this time together. But then they leave.. They are their own people. And so, when they go, we are still gonna be here, doing what we are supposed to do. So your course, I think can help women, mothers, young mothers, mothers to be, to go through this time…
AMBER
Get ready building what your thing is in the world.
TAJCI
So there would be no empty nest syndrome any more.
AMBER
Right! Ultimately that’s the goal, isn’t it? And it’s funny, I posted a quote today on Facebook, it says: it’s impossible to feel present and guilty at the same time. And I think that’s really important, specifically for the moms because you can be sitting at your desk and… we have in home help on certain days, that’s part of the strategy, making that OK, and sometimes I feel that pang of guilt, like, oh I really want to be playing with my daughter right now, but you know what? I’m gonna be more present when I play with her because I had my time to do this right now. To do this work, to get this done, to feel good in the world, sharing my message, and then, I shut it off and then I go be a mom.
TAJCI
Yes, it sounds so simple when you said it, but when we are in it…
AMBER
It’s not.
TAJCI
It’s not.
AMBER
So as women, we need support systems, and that’s the idea with this program is that we have each other. It’s a group, we’re all in it together and supporting each other.
TAJCI
And if you need, if you’re looking for support system, I’m going to post the link, but say it, your Facebook group.
AMBER
My Facebook group, the Live Your Freedom Mastermind.
TAJCI
Please get on it.
AMBER
It’s free, just add yourself, it’s an empowering space, right? Every morning we’re talking about all kinds of cool stuff.
TAJCI
It’s a great support group.
AMBER
I love it.
TAJCI
And Amber posts great inspirational thoughts every morning, I just wonder, how do you, every morning, have so much energy, like some mornings, I’m like, forget about inspiration, I just don’t have it today. It’s awesome!
AMBER
Thank you!
TAJCI
And thank you for just giving so much and yet, keeping it integral to yourself.
AMBER
Thanks, it’s like I was saying to you in our break when we were just chatting, you know, you feel you’re born with certain gifts, and I believe we all are born with the voice inside of us that we know, and sometimes we just get away from it, but when you can tap back into that source, into that power, into that light and really channel it, amazing things happen, miracles happen in your life, things that your limiting self beliefs are telling you are not possible.
They are possible, they really are if you allow yourself to believe that, and then what I always love to say is:
Give yourself a permission to want what you want in your life.
TAJCI
Yes. From within.
AMBER
That’s right.
TAJCI
Wonderful! So you are writing your book, getting ready to hit the stage and speak and inspire.
AMBER
Yea, so excited!
TAJCI
Are you going to take your baby with you, when you travel?
AMBER
That’s what I would love to. That is my goal, you know. My vision is that we can do some family travel.
TAJCI
Then I’ll coach you on how to live a life on the road with kids.
AMBER
Yea, I’ll really need that.
TAJCI
Thank you so much. Oh, one more thing we have to talk about really quickly. About your singing. You have such a beautiful singing voice!
AMBER
Thank you so much, I’m so shy about it.
TAJCI
Oh no, no, no. So Amber, you sang National Anthems for many games, big games.
AMBER
Yea, center ice, center court. When I was really young I wanted… I wanted to be you Tajci. I wanted to be a pop singer. That’s what I wanted to be, and so, the fact that maybe it’s not necessarily I’m doing it as me in my in a sport venue and singing whatever… I don’t know, I feel like it’s my opportunity, I’m actually living that dream out a little bit, so it feels really rewarding.
TAJCI
So you’re gonna sing for us?
AMBER
Yea. We’re gonna do it!
TAJCI
There are some times in life when we do crazy things, things that don’t make sense, like standing on ice, in ice hockey rink, in high heels, just because. There is no fear, no regret, just freedom… Like you said, just another day in the office.
AMBER
Just another day. This is what we do.
AMBER (singing)
Oh, say! can you see by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming;
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there:
Oh, say! does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
TAJCI
Thank you
AMBER
Thank you! That was fun!
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