Season 2 – Episode 10. Released on April 14, 2015.
Ambition to Mind You (with Brandy Stanton)
INTRO
My guest today is Brandy Word Stanton, a beautiful and powerful soul who pushed through her life’s obstacles to claim her authentic self and now is empowering others to do the same. Brandy is a mentor and life strategist. She is currently CEO and Program Director of Blu Ambition where she works with clients to find, develop and, as she likes to point out: mind their business.
BUMPER
I am Tajci.
At 19 I was a superstar and I was lost inside. I left it all behind, switched continents and started all over. Years later I found myself lost again. This time in the American dream.
This is a story about awakening. About living the life you were created for. About going inward and discovering the joyous and purposeful person you and I are both meant to be.
This is “Waking Up In America.”
TAJCI
Brandy I’m so glad you are on “Waking Up In America” here with us. Thank you so much!
BRANDY
Thank you I’m happy to be here with you.
TAJCI
I’m really excited because when I first saw your picture on Facebook, in our group where we met , I just loved your light and the beauty of who you are. It just shows… even in that little profile picture. It’s amazing.
BRANDY
Thank you, thank you for saying that because there was a time where I didn’t always feel that. People said it but I didn’t believe it … like: “Really?”
TAJCI
Yes! I’m so glad you say that because that’s what we’re here to talk about. I know that there are all these people out there who say the same thing “I just don’t see it.” Maybe nobody has even said that to them. And to have the courage to embrace it and to show up in the world with it and to say: “This is who I am world!” and then, to make this world a better place.
BRANDY
Absolutely!
TAJCI
So set it up for us: What was your background before that waking up moment that we’re going to get into?
BRANDY
I was born and raised here in Tennessee, so I’m a native. So this has always been home for me. I grew up in a small town. It’s not small anymore. I grew up in Mount Juliet. I’m a country girl and I was raised by strong parents who worked, and worked hard. They worked in factories and they taught us to go to school and make good grades and took us to Church and… you know, that “Southern Bible Belt” background… I’ve always been strong and outspoken. Sensitive at the same time.
I own that I wear my feelings on my sleeve. I’d always go after my mind, I make really good grades. I had goals and went to college, and I had my daughter when I was in college, so I was a single mom for a really long time. At that point I kinda became a mom and that was my identity. It was, I’ve got to be a mom ’cause I’ve got to make money and I’ve gotta put a roof over this child’s head and I have to feed her and I have to try to teach her. I’m responsible for the adult that she’s gonna become. So I kinda focused everything into that.
TAJCI
Which is very honorable and beautiful!
BRANDY
Well, yes that’s what I was taught you were supposed to do. So I finished school and immediately went into the workforce.
And I got a wonderful job doing adoptions in social services. You know, the Tennessee’s foster care system has grown by leaps and bounds ’cause that’s a very hard job, being responsible for other people. A lot of people are responsible for… you might be responsible for money, or customer service, but in the social services field you’re responsible for the lives of precious children.
So it’s a beautiful thing but it’s also very challenging at the same time.
TAJCI
And you mentioned, since you’re a sensitive person, here you are… a young mom, single mom working with foster care children to get them to good families… Did that wear on you? How did that feel?
BRANDY
That did wear on me. It was difficult for my daughter during that time. Children at that age don’t necessarily have the ability for abstract thinking. They don’t necessarily think about humanity and the world at that point. Their world is themselves, and their family, and the home they live in, and maybe their community.
So to ask her to understand, to fully understand that those children needed mommy more than she did in that moment, that was hard for her. And working long hours… There was a great flexibility so I could go to things, but then there was… you never knew. That was challenging for her and I always knew that I didn’t want it to be that way.
And so I left social services for a short time.
TAJCI
Alright so… even though you’re a single mom, you have a safe job, it’s hard but it’s still security.
BRANDY
Exactly
TAJCI
And you are doing great work. I mean you’re not just punching paper, you’re you helping. So you have that fulfillment as well. And you still had the courage to know that something is not right. Something that you didn’t like. You had the courage to make a shift, to make a change.
BRANDY
You know that pull doesn’t go away.
TAJCI
When you say pull…
BRANDY
That… from your soul.
Your soul is always going to communicate with you whether you realize it or not. It’s always going to try to pull you to where you need to be.
TAJCI
Yes
BRANDY
And I did that and I went to a business venture and it didn’t work. I went back to social services because that’s what I knew. At least I’d get a paycheck and have benefits and we could live. But what happened at that point was, I was making significantly less than I had been making at the previous organization and it got to the point where I couldn’t really live on my own. So I ended up moving in with someone else. I had a roommate. I’m totally grateful. I needed that at the time with what I was making.
I’ve learned a lot of things on that second go-round with social services that I really needed to learn. But I got to a point, I believe I was thirty going on thirty-one and I looked… I’m grateful to have this friend who has allowed us to come in and stay with her so I could save some money and not be so stretched, but I wanna be on my own and I don’t what to be doing this. There was still that fire in the belly saying you know you’re thirty something… And I thought there was more than this. I thought I was going to be doing something different not necessarily better because that’s… that’s great honorable work to help children to have forever families. There is nothing wrong with that.
TAJCI
It’s beautiful and very needed.
BRANDY
But it got to the point to where I didn’t like doing it and it took me awhile to wrap my head around it. People tell you: “You do this well, why don’t you want to do it?
It’s where I learned that just because you’re good at something, it doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be doing it. And so then I started to go after… Well, what is it that I want to do?
And I looked at going back to school and becoming a therapist. I was like: That’s not it. And that’s when I found, through a coworker, the holistic life coaching program at Radiant Health Institute. And they were wonderful. I went through the training and I’m so excited. I am so stoked. I’m doing my practicums and I realized: Okay, this is good. I don’t like doing this either. That’s why I said I’m a coach who doesn’t coach. Life is too short for me to do something that does not feel truly authentic, that does not make me bubble with joy. Life is just too short for me to do anything less.
TAJCI
You’re so aware of that. You seem to be, at that point, so aware that you said: Life is too short.
This is so hard for most of us, for most people. To not only… it’s hard to get unstuck, it’s hard to get that courage to break out a safe job the pays and that you’re doing well…
For the sake of our our viewers who… a lot of them say: Okay. I know something’s off. I want out. I’m scared. And so we work through the scary part of how do I know. So you went from one thing to a life coaching and you had the courage again to say: “Oops!” and you invested your time and probably some resources.
BRANDY
Absolutely, but I’m okay with that because I was supposed to do that and that’s what I get now. I spent a lot of time… when I finally had that shift when I finally woke up from the sleep that I was in that I needed become acutely aware of self.
I mean because I was 30 something years old and I didn’t know who I was.
I needed to meet myself. I needed to become best friends with myself and I realized that nothing else was going to come until I dealt with self.
So I started with awareness and that’s where… the first place I point people to is awareness because if you aren’t going to become aware, and accept, and be accountable for where you are and the part you played to get yourself there, and to take that blame from everybody else and have some accountability for yourself, then you’re not gonna go any further.
TAJCI
So give me an example because a lot of people will look at you and say: “Okay, what does that mean “to be aware of myself?” What does that mean … give me some sort of example.
BRANDY
Where I started, and luckily I had a friend who served as a great spiritual mentor who pointed me to books. Once I realized: Okay this is literally my rock bottom. This is what rock bottom feels like for me.
TAJCI
And what was it? What did it look like?
BRANDY
Me not doing something that I love. Not liking myself. Just not being happy with anything about my life. This is not my stuff this is somebody else’s.
TAJCI
Even though it looked pretty good
BRANDY
Right but it wasn’t for me.
TAJCI
Yeah that’s beautiful
BRANDY
When I realized that, Okay, I’m becoming aware of some things and I read, I read ferociously. I read books, I absorbed information and just took some time for myself.
I stopped watching television. I stopped ripping and running and going here and there and everywhere, and I just… I took care of me. What I needed to do to take care of my mind, what I needed to do take care my body when I need to do, to take care of my spirits.
Not everybody would be able to do that, but I knew that if I wanted to affect change in my life quick, fast and in a hurry, I was gonna have to get it together. I did have the mental fortitude at time to be able to do that.
So, if I could just speak truth, do my best, not take anything personally, it helped me to change.
I started just envisioning and walking around in, you know, I had this happy bubble and I was responsible for what came out of that bubble. I was responsible for setting boundaries and not letting other people’s actions affect and come inside my bubble.
You have to get real about you, the light and the dark.
TAJCI
Mmm, so you have to do a lot of self-examination.
BRANDY
Yes
TAJCI
That’s the process that most of us would like to avoid.
BRANDY
And that’s why people don’t change. And that’s why people don’t take that leap because they can evaluate and make plans based on all the good that they want to do in a positive goals they have, but if you don’t deal with the shadow self and figure out how to turn those weaknesses into strengths… I ask people all the time: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
You know that you’re gonna have to get real with the light and the dark side of you because the only way to be able to neutralize those things is to stop shoving them under a rug. Which is what we’re conditioned to do. Let’s pretend they are not there, or blame everybody else…
TAJCI
Or numbing
BRANDY
We need to meet them. And what you’ll find is that, when you can accept those shadow behaviors, that shadow self, that evil twin you have, the less likely you are to see that evil twin.
So I’m a perfect example of taking accountability and learning how to deal with your shadow self because me being ultra-sensitive to energies, I would be really snappy with people and short with people and I had to take responsibility for the part of me that is strong and that it’s caring.
If I see something in the bigger picture that someone else doesn’t see, to tell them… that comes off as bossy. I think that sometimes you just need to flip them. Sometimes you just need to know that’s a part of you and what it triggers is so that you can be aware of that. Either way you have to take responsibility.
TAJCI
I totally understand this, that your strengths turn into these (I don’t want to say weaknesses) but people don’t see them as strengths because maybe they’re coming in a situation where
you just want to get something done, you come across as bossy where it’s really… you’re a motivator, you’re helping to get the situation under control, so your strengths are just misused or misplaced.
BRANDY
Yes, your gifts and talents can definitely be masked by your own stuff. And so I think that’s a lot of times… What happens is that you have… I would read things about you know… there’s all these personality assessments and you know there’s astrology or whatever people are into and I would read things about myself and I’m like that’s not characteristic of me. The dark was, but the light wasn’t. And what I had to realize is because I was just so… I was human.
I was messy. I was in my stuff and so I was that shadow self because I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t at peace and I didn’t have joy and that’s what happened.
TAJCI
That’s beautifully said when you are human you are messy.
BRANDY
Yeah we are humans, we are messy
TAJCI
Yes and we have to show up as that and not try to portray what we are not.
BRANDY
Yeah and you have to be gentle with yourself
TAJCI
Yes
BRANDY
You have to be gentle with yourself in the process, because do I still snap-on people? Absolutely! ‘Cause there are days that I don’t feel good but I do my best that I can that day.
TAJCI
Right. And then your self awareness tells you it’s not because I am mean… it’s because I’m tired, I’m hungry, or maybe you are able to find that cause.
So Brandy now. You are a CEO and program director of Blu Ambition
BRANDY
Yes. Picture offered itself with ambition in everything you do. It doesn’t just mean: Okay, go start business. That’s not what it’s about. YOU are your business. YOU are the CEO. YOU have a brand – it is YOU. That is your business. So when I tell people to mind their business that’s what I mean.
Mind your business. It’s not about other people, it’s about you minding you. It’s your business and when you start to see it is that you have a mission, you set your vision and you run that like a business then you can take better care of yourself. ‘Cause it’s not about being selfish.
I have a business to run, that is me, that is my life. It affects my partner, my children, my family, the people I come in contact with. I have a responsibility to take care of myself so that I can be better for those people.
TAJCI
And the world consequentially. Yes!
You have on your bio that you love to sing and dance. Don’t you?
BRANDY
I do, I absolutely do love to do those things because it’s just my way of creative expression.
TAJCI
And see I think, being a musician obviously, I think that is in
all of us. We all are born to sing and dance our lives. I think it’s so natural to us. And art, any kind of creative expression, it’s a part of who we are.
BRANDY
Yes. I love it. I do some hand lettering now. I’ve tried to experience… we kind of are told what our gifts are, and we kinda stick with them, and so I was always told I’m not good at math and I’m not crafty and I can’t draw, but I learned that I can do those things.
TAJCI
Yes!
BRANDY
I’m not Picasso but I can draw a pretty picture and I’m just expanding my realm of creative expression. But singing and dancing is always the go to.
TAJCI
You shared with me “We could be heroes” song…
BRANDY
Yes
TAJCI
I love that song
BRANDY
I do too
TAJCI
Doesn’t it say exactly what we’re talking about, the dark side?
BRANDY
It absolutely does
TAJCI
I’m going to ask you so sing. Can you give us a little bit?
BRANDY
I will do my best… ok.
We go hideaway in daylight
We go undercover, wait out the sun
Got a secret side in plain sight
Where the streets are empty
That’s where we run
Everyday people do
Everyday things but I
Can’t be one of them
I know you hear me now
We are a different kind
We can do anything
We could be heroes
We could be heroes
Me and you
We could be heroes
We could be heroes
Me and you
We could be
Writer(s): David Bowie, Alessandro Rodolfo Lindblad, Brian Peter George Eno, Lo Tove
Copyright: Warner/Chappell Music Scandinavia AB, Emi Music Publishing Ltd., Refune Music Ltd., Tintoretto Music, Universal Music Mgb Ltd., Wolf Cousins
TAJCI
Heroes
That was so wonderful! I have to jump up and… Thank you! That was beautiful. Oh my gosh you can sing!
BRANDY
I haven’t sang in so long!
TAJCI
Stop saying that! Feels so good to be you doesn’t it?
BRANDY
It does, it really does, and it’s amazing how,
when you just accept yourself and start being you and going toward the authentic goals you have, your vision for your life, how it will start to matter less and less every day what other people want you to do.
It’s a struggle, it’s a battle ’cause people will not hesitate to let it be known what they think you should be doing. But that’s where you, if you get confidently grounded in who you are and what you believe and the direction you’re going then you can respectfully disagree.
TAJCI
Yes! Thank you so much Brandy! The best gift that you and I can give to the world is to be you! Thank you so much!
BRANDY
You’re welcome. Thank you
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