Season 2 – Episode 19. Released on June 30, 2015.
Concrete, Curls and Harley’s (with Steve Reiner)
INTRO
Today, I am in Naperville, IL with Steve Reiner, a hair designer and a passionate biker who has built and rebuilt his life several times looking for happiness. Despite success and fun he enjoyed, Steve was left empty until he found the answer in service to others. He co-founded Halfway Hair an organization that empowers teens in rehab to regain their self-confidence one strand at a time.
BUMPER
I am Tajci.
At 19 I was a superstar and I was lost inside. I left it all behind, switched continents and started all over. Years later I found myself lost again. This time in the American dream.
This is a story about awakening. About living the life you were created for. About going inward and discovering the joyous and purposeful person you and I are both meant to be.
This is “Waking Up In America.”
TAJCI
Steve, this is so cool that we are here in Naperville, outside! This is really great!
STEVE
It’s a beautiful day!
TAJCI
Thank you. Thank you for your willingness to be here and tell us your story.
STEVE
Thank you for having me.
TAJCI
So, I was doing a concert somewhere in this area, and I was literary, I was on the stage and I said, I need someone to do my hair, because I was shooting a music video, but I need someone good, and someone kind, and someone really good. And two ladies came to me afterwards and said, you have to go see Steve. I was like, okay, and they gave me the name of the salon and I came to our host’s house that night, and I said, Jana, do you know… my friend Jana, do you know.. people are recommending me Steve from Innovations, and she says, absolutely, you gotta to see Steve.
STEVE
Nice!
TAJCI
And there is Steve! And you did my hair, and we talked, the first time we talked, I remember, it blew me away. Then I went on with my tour and I kept talking about you, in the concerts, because you went from, you know I, I talk a lot about leaving the life that you find yourself stuck in, and you have the courage… anyone… to change that, and really find what is it that makes us alive, that gives us the purpose to live who we are, the way we are created to live. And I remember you telling me how you were working, the head of a construction company, and then, you decided, and this is just a really short version, you decided to go to beauty school. And I always, like, imagined the day that you showed up at the site and said, okay guys, I’m going to the Beauty School!
STEVE
Actually I didn’t tell them. I was terrified to tell them.
TAJCI
I’d be too… Exactly, yea!
STEVE
I had a really hard time with telling people in the beginning, so… I just kept it under wraps and… till I finished Beauty School.
TAJCI
Wow! Because that’s such a huge turn! So take us back. Take us to the beginning.
STEVE
Well, concrete was an accident. I had a chance to go to college, I had a couple scholarships and I just… it wasn’t for me… I had a hard time paying attention in school.
TAJCI
Okay, and what were you studying in college?
STEVE
I wanted to be an architect.
TAJCI
Oh, wow!
STEVE
Or I wanted to design clothes. because I’ve always been a big guy and you don’t find clothes that fit very well, so I thought maybe if I went and did it myself…
TAJCI
Interesting!
STEVE
I’d make my own.
TAJCI
So, there is a creative thing.
STEVE
Yea, I’ve always painted and sculpted and drew. My mom used to bring her girlfriends into my room when I went out to school, and show them what I created the night before. So, I definitely had some kind of talent there, but concrete was an accident. I took some time to make some money to go back to school and just started making so much money, I never went back.
TAJCI
Okay, so it was money. But then you got good at what you were doing.
STEVE
I got this attitude, I don’t even know where it came from, that you know, I would never let anyone be better than I was, in concrete. If you carry one form, I’m carrying two. If you carry two, I’m carrying three. If you carry three, I’m gonna run. I’d just never let anybody show me up. So I moved up the ladder really fast and one day I woke up and I was the head guy. I had my own truck and crews and all the fun stuff.
TAJCI
And how did that feel?
STEVE
It was cool. I liked it, but I just never was real happy. I didn’t feel like I was supposed to be here. I felt like I was living someone else’s life. Just didn’t seem like the one that I thought of myself as having.
TAJCI
Right. Well, you kind of happened to it by accident, like you said. But then you gave yourself this drive, this motivation. And you were succeeding, you were excelling.
STEVE
Yea. I got married and that, that was one of my turning points, was with my wife. She was a hair dresser, so I got to go to a lot of hair shows with her and she actually, when I had more hair, would use me in competitions.
TAJCI
Oh, nice!
STEVE
And I thought that was really cool. So, I actually started off thinking that I wanted to just go and compete.
TAJCI
As a hair designer.
STEVE
Yea. And you travel all over.
TAJCI|
Oh, okay. Wait, we skipped the day that you decided you were going to quit the concrete business and go into the Beauty School. I want to know, like what happened?
STEVE
It was a stretch. It wasn’t just like one day. I was feeling it for a while. Just not enjoying what I was doing any more. I mean the money was great, it supplied me with enjoyment and house, toys, vacations…
TAJCI
I was going to say, there is a certain lifestyle that comes with that and please forgive me if I am making assumptions, and correct me, but, you know, when I first met you and you were doing my hair, and I’m thinking, okay, well, I can see how there is Steve in this role of a tough guy, head construction, pick up truck… I don’t know, I mean I’m just like painting this picture, right? Beer… I don’t know… Please paint the picture!
STEVE
That was it, I mean, I was… I would say I was pretty tough. I had calluses that were so thick I could put cigarettes out on my hand and, if I cut myself deep in normal skin, I wouldn’t even feel it, because my calluses were so thick. So, but it was the booze and the partying and the fighting and all the stuff that just, I was just getting sick of…
TAJCI
Oh, you were getting sick… ‘Cause it’s easy to identify with it, and then it becomes your, almost like protection, right?
STEVE
Yea, I always said that a prerequisite to do good in concrete you had to be a good drinker. And I was drinking with the best, you know. And it seemed like there was never a day that I didn’t come home intoxicated… from work… and I was just… it just wasn’t any fun. It wasn’t me.
TAJCI
So you had that sense inside that this is not who I am, this is not who I want to be.
STEVE
Yea.
TAJCI
Which is something that I believe all of us feel… Some of us then shove it under the carpet, or say, no, no, no. I…
STEVE
Just kind of, just carry on, because it’s the easy thing to do. I mean, going from concrete to hair is not… it wasn’t really easy, but yea, I just woke up one morning and I just said, I can’t do it. I can not do this any more. I don’t even want to go to work. And every time I tried to quit before, my boss would give me a raise. Would give me money out of his pocket.
TAJCI
That too!
STEVE
Oh here, here is some money. So I would take it.
TAJCI
To keep you there.
STEVE
Yea. And I told him a few times that I don’t even like doing this any more, and he was like, oh here, here is some money in my pocket and how about I give you another raise?
TAJCI
Because you were a very valuable worker! Very valuable person.
STEVE
Yea, I think I was. I would like to think that I was well respected in that field. There wasn’t a lot of guys doing that kind of work that we did, so I can be proud of that. It sounds like it’s bragging, but…
TAJCI
No, no, no…
STEVE
It worked to a certain point.
TAJCI
You did say, there was nobody, nobody was going to be better than you, right?
STEVE
Right.
TAJCI
So you really put a lot of yourself into it. Okay, so now, you are listening to that nudge inside. And you listen to it, and you quit…
STEVE
Cold turkey.
TAJCI
Did the drinking go away too?
STEVE
Oh yea. Yea… it just was more socially… you know, glass of wine with dinner, a going out with friends and having few cocktails.
TAJCI
Okay, so now, you find yourself in the Beauty School. And who are the other people right there with you?
STEVE
All younger. They were all younger. I was like the oldest one there. And there…. That was a culture shock, definitely. Going from one of the hardest jobs in America to the hair, fashion industry, and definitely was not prepared for that at all. But once I smoothed out, it was awesome. I loved it!
TAJCI
Okay. So, here you are in the Beauty school and you… you loved it?
STEVE
Yea.
TAJCI
And, I mean some of your creativity is now allowed to come out.
STEVE
Yea. I started dreaming hair cuts and it became a part of my life. It was an amazing transformation for me, to wake up half way through my life, I think and change.
TAJCI
Probably, on the outside, did you show that transformation? Or was it more internal for you?
STEVE
No, I showed it. Everybody got to see, even the girls that I worked with, every now and then, most of time, actually, they would stop what they were doing and turn around and go, you can’t say that! You can’t do that! You can’t act like that! Because, you know, here is this rough guy that now is trying to be in a fashionable industry, and, you know, I still have my concrete attitude.
TAJCI
Yes! I mean, I have to say that the first time you did my hair, I was a little bit like, I don’t know how I feel about Steve, the guy, the Chicago, charming guy, right? doing my… it’s different! And, that’s what I loved… I loved… because you were, I sensed that, you really loved it… you were doing my hair because you really, I felt you took care of me, really beautifully. And… okay. So now you are owning a salon with your wife. Life is good.
STEVE
Yea, it’s nice. Had a house downtown Naperville, which you know is ‘prestigious’ but I… we got a great life, we had a great dog and, you know… a couple of …
TAJCI
American dream!
STEVE
American dream, yea. But that didn’t last. It was like, right after we got done completely decorating our salon, then, we got divorced. And… yea, that was kind of a shock, ’cause I wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t know it was happening. We were better friends, party friends, than we were the actual, you know, best friends. We weren’t best friends. So, it just had to happen, I guess.
TAJCI
So you had something to work together toward, and now that there wasn’t there any more, it kind of hit the wall…
STEVE
I’m better friends with her now, than I was back then.
TAJCI
And how did that… so now you are here, you thought you were going to have this dream life with your wife, hair salon, sharing the passion with your wife, and now she is gone. How did that feel?
STEVE
Oh, it was terrible! I was in shock. I think I was numb for a while. A long time and I actually opened a salon above a Mexican restaurant, like five stores down and it would have been really great, I probably could have stayed there, and I got offered to do, to buy the second floor of this building. But I was just… party central. All I did was… I went back to partying hard and never made it home before 11 o’clock. 12 o’clock at night. It just was… it was rough.
TAJCI
So, it was kind of your… the place where you knew how to fill your life.
STEVE
Yea, I kind of went back in time again, to rough and tough, crazy, racing snowmobiles and…
TAJCI
And what did you parents think at this point, or your brother, or your siblings, or….
STEVE
They just let it go… They tried to just let me live the way I want.
TAJCI
Any friends? Even when you made the first switch from concrete to Beauty School?
STEVE
They were all behind me. They were all like, oh, that’s awesome. I wanna do your job!
TAJCI
Oh that’s good to have that support.
STEVE
Yea. It was good. But then when I closed my shop, I went to Innovations where you were at today, and…
TAJCI
And why did you closed that shop?
STEVE
I was… there were a lot of reasons. I was having difficulty just realizing just where I was at. I felt like once again, I wasn’t where I was supposed to be and I finally decided that I had to get away from that. It just, it was terrible. I was just I was a wreck. I’ve lost a lot of weight, then I was partying really hard, and that’s just seemed like where I was at.
TAJCI
And you listened again.
STEVE
Yes. I listened to myself finally and I went to Innovations. I had a big break down after I got there. But, I kind of say it’s like when you are in a boat, and you are flying across the lake, and you got this big wake behind you. And when you stop that boat really fast, that wake comes and hit you. That was kind of what happened to me. And I couldn’t even get up from the bed, and it was horrible. But I went and sought some help, saw my doctor and she took care of it. And made me feel better. From that point on, I started moving forward and really dove into my work.
TAJCI
You have this ability, I don’t know.. how do you identify it… you know some people say, grace. Some people say, I have an angel. Some people say, it’s just from within and they listen. They really are willing to listen.
STEVE
People feel sorry for themselves. I was feeling sorry for myself and I think that I got to a certain point to where I was like, feeling sorry for yourself wasn’t going to do you any good. It’s not going to get you, it’s not going to land you some awesome job, the perfect girl is not gonna come into your life, feeling sorry for yourself, doesn’t do anything but slow you down. Actually, I took myself off of the medication that I was prescribed cause I was just… got sick of having a crutch… So I decided one day that I was going to wean myself. So I just started to slowly skipping days, breaking pills in a half until I was done.
TAJCI
And I have, I know I have several viewers who always ask me questions, how do I deal with my depression? And there is a lot of experts out there, but I always love to ask someone like you, who, it seems like you made your own medicine, because I believe that we know what’s best for us. So, what was, like you said, exercise? Or what were the concrete steps that….
STEVE
Exercise was a big one. I found one of the things that I was missing… was helping other people. And a friend asked me if I wanted to volunteer to cut hair for the poor in East Aurora, which is a really bad part of town and most people won’t even go down there. And I said, yea. And I went down there, and I cut these little kids’ hair that were crying and these older men that had nothing. People living on the street, and I was cutting their hair. You know they would getting shampooed and then they’d come over to me… there were doctors there and dentists and make up people, and fingernails, and blowdrying… I just thought that was like incredible, that we could help these people that have nothing. I volunteered to start doing that and I found that helping them and seeing what they are through, and then seeing what I was going through was like, phew! Seriously?
TAJCI
Yea. It seems like… I hear this a lot from different guests, stepping out of your, not the voice, the whisper inside that we need to follow, but stepping out of this ego, this game that we play and actually providing service, seeing how you can, with just showing up the way you are, like with your gift of cutting hair… through that giving, you come alive!
STEVE
Yea, it’s very rewarding to help these people. And I know that really helped out. And the second year I did it, some of the little kids that I cut the year before come running over to me and as I was cutting their hair, their mom started crying. And she goes… I was like, when did they have their haircuts last? She goes, last year when you did it.
TAJCI
And tell me about Halfway Hair.
STEVE
Halfway Hair is a an organization that me and a few of the other hairdressers started. We’d go to Halfway homes, recovery homes for heroin, drug abuse, alcohol abuse and we do hair for them. And they are usually under 19 years old. We go in, we talk to them, how there is a better way of life without drugs and alcohol and pills…
TAJCI
So it’s sounds like to me you make them feel significant, you make them feel like they matter.
STEVE
Yes!
TAJCI
They are not forgotten.
STEVE
Yea, and they always send us home with a bunch of notes, saying, oh my God this was amazing! I thought that it was going to be stupid but it was just incredible! So yea, it’s one of those things were you wake up on a Sunday morning, you go, oh my God what am I doing, you know, I’m just killing my whole Sunday and then you get there and you see these girls sitting there, waiting on you and you’re like, yea… this is what I’m here for!
TAJCI
Sounds like church! Sunday!
STEVE
Yea! Just like church.
TAJCI
Absolutely! Showing up where you are needed. Beautiful! Okay, and, so now, here is Steve, who does my hair every time I come to Chicago, I love it, thank you so much! And I love the curls and I love it! And then you ride a Harley, you are that biker guy with the loud music on.
STEVE
Yea! That’s… gotta keep a little bit of it inside, you know.
TAJCI
I just love that you are who you are. It doesn’t matter that, you know, when I share this, your story with people, they go, Wow! That’s odd. No! It’s beautiful! Why would we all have to fit one picture, one box, one image, right? Just be yourself!
STEVE
Be yourself!
TAJCI
I love that… No matter how incredible and… you have all these great things about you, and it’s all just wonderful, because of who you are inside! And it shows through.
TAJCI
Thanks!
STEVE
Thank you for being who you are and having courage.
TAJCI
Thanks for letting me tell my story.
STEVE
Absolutely.
TAJCI
Steve is comfortable to show up the way he is. He courageously stepped out of his life’s patterns and started to use his skills, his talents and even his vulnerability to help others. And now, when he gets on his Harley, he turns up the music and rides feeling fully alive and filled with purpose.
TAJCI (SINGS)
It’s a sunny day,
and I’m gonna go away,
all by myself.
I can drive if I want to,
if I want to I can stop,
I can take that freeway or that
little country road…
TAJCI
I hope that the stories featured here on Waking Up in America are helping you to wake up from living somebody else’s dream or expectation and living the life that you are created for. And remember to share them with someone out there because you never know when this particular story might change their life. Thank you so much and don’t forget to join us on WakingUpinAmerica.net and on our Facebook group. See you next time!
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