Transcript of S2 EP17 Episode: The Brokenness That Makes Us Beautiful (with Stowe and Karen)
TAJCI:
Sometimes it takes a wisdom of a 120-year old woman to make us realize that instead of hiding our imperfections, it’s a lot easier, empowering, and fun to be real. My guest, Karen Taylor Good and Stow Dailey talk about what it is that makes us real. Why do we hide and what is it about our brokenness that makes us beautiful?
BUMPER:
I’m Tajci. At 19 I was a superstar and I was lost inside. I left it all behind, switched continents and started all over. Years later I found myself lost again, this time in the American Dream. This is a story about awakening. About living the life you were created for. About going inward and discovering the joyous and purposeful person you and I are both meant to be. This is Waking Up in America.
TAJCI:
Being real is one of my favorite topics. You know this show is all about waking up to who we really are instead of who the world tells us we should be. My guest today, I have two guests today Karen Taylor Good and Stow Dailey. Welcome ladies.
STOWE AND KAREN:
Thank you.
TAJCI:
And you you guys, you ladies are experts on this subject and you have the wisdom of a 120-year old woman.
KAREN:
Yes, we do.
STOWE:
Between us, yes.
KAREN:
That’s what we are.
TAJCI:
So let’s clarify that. The 120-year old woman.
KAREN:
Well if you really want to be specific we are now a 121.
STOWE:
We just had a birthday.
KAREN:
We did. We age twice as fast as everybody else. But together we have the wisdom of a 121-year
STOWE:
That’s right.
TAJCI:
That’s wonderful. And I heard that in one of your talks, actually TEDx talk which I love and I encourage my viewers to check it out. And it’s really, you know, sometimes it really takes us that long to stop believing the lies that we learn along the way and just be enough be who we are
STOWE:
Yeah and embracing the 120-year-old, the 120 years between us is our way of saying, you know, we’re not, we don’t have to be young. We just we just love who we are right now.
TAJCI:
Yeah, yeah. And just not even hiding your age. Is that what it is?
KAREN:
Right. Yeah. Which is a huge deal because all my life I’ve been in showbiz and it was like a rule. You must like your face.
TAJCI:
Yes. So Karen Taylor Good. You’re, you’re both, oh both of you are published authors and really successful songwriters and Karen, you had a you had hit song hits and quite a career—you both did. And now you are traveling all over the world.
KAREN:
Yes we are this duo of Stowe-Good is just the most fun. The songs that are coming through us are really beautiful and special. I think it’s a real gift.
TAJCI:
So, Stowe, we had you on the Waking Up in America and thank you so much for sharing your story.
STOWE:
My pleasure.
TAJCI:
You’re both survivors but you’re a cancer survivor. And share it share with us just a little bit about what brought you to your turning point.
STOWE:
Yeah, well, in a nutshell I spent much of my life kind of doing a back-and-forth, you know, one step forward and two steps back with what I wanted to do because I didn’t really feel like when I was good enough to compete in the world. And in 2008 I was diagnosed with stage 3 rectal cancer and in the two years that I had it I almost lost my life. And it was during that time that I came to the very clear realization that I was going to die with my music still in me and that, you know, that’s not a good feeling, you know? Nobody wants to go down with their dreams still inside and I was very fortunate, through a major operation, to get a second chance. And when I came out of that, that’s when I started being very clear about what I wanted to do and I asked, you know, I want somebody to write with. And it was a week later than I ran into Karen and we had known each other from years ago and you know, it was magic, you know? It was worth all I went through.
TAJCI:
Wow that’s a big statement, you know, because you did go through a lot of pain and I speak about your story, I share your story when I’m out there because sometimes unfortunately, it takes us, like you said these tremendously big dramatic turning points that we wake up and say, “I’m not going to be afraid anymore.”
STOWE:
Yeah.
TAJCI:
“I will follow my dream.”
STOWE:
Yeah.
TAJCI:
And that’s the time when you run into Karen and it turns out at the right time you are experiencing your turning point.
KAREN:
I was. I mean I got my AARP card in the mail and then all of a sudden having started shouting at the magazine articles.
TAJCI:
Yeah
KAREN:
That’s what really did it. So I have this great big birthday that starts with a six and I was doing okay. I really was doing okay until I picked up a People magazine and I saw this feature which I have seen many times, I had seen, but it didn’t register. And it’s called “Looking good at every age” and it shows you the row of 20-somethings 30-somethings 40-somethings and 50-somethings looking good and then it stops. Yes. And the very next magazine I picked up was an article, “Taking care of your skin at every age,” and it told you how to take care of your 20-year old skin and your 30-year old skin and your 40-year old skin and your 50-year old skin and then it stopped. And I said, “Oh my god, I have disappeared.” Yeah. And I do feel like a lot of the messages that we get, especially in this country, you know, the message is you get that AARP card and then since then I got the other one— my social security card—which is a giant help, you know.
TAJCI:
Yes.
KAREN:
But it took me years before I would accept the old people’s day discount at the store, you know? It’s like I didn’t want anybody to know how old I was. Now it’s like this is what I am. This is what I am.
TAJCI:
Yes. And it sounds like at that point you’re what, you’re supposed to just disappear, retire, sit on your rocking chair and do nothing.
KAREN:
Exactly. And we always bring up the what about the grandma Moses? Tell me there are people like That.
TAJCI:
Yes.
KAREN:
And 9/10 of the songs that we’ve written together that I adore were written since I turned 60.
TAJCI:
Wow.
KAREN:
Well what if I had quit?
TAJCI:
Oh, no, no, no, please. We’re talking to Karen Taylor Good and Stow Dailey about being real—about stop lying about your age or your brokenness. When we come back we’ll dig deeper into this topic stay with us.
BREAK
Do feel stuck in life I waiting for a miracle would you like to transform your pain and anxiety into joy and freedom, here’s how. The answers are in my book Turning Points. There are dozens of stories of people like you, people stuck in addictions, abuse and bad relationships, but they all took that first step. They all went on a transformational journey. So can you. Visit WakingUpRevolution.com, Amazon.com or any major online bookseller get your copy and turn your life around today.
TAJCI:
We’re here with Karen Taylor Good and Stowe Dailey, a wonderful duo. So here you are, Stowe, you are given a second chance after your illness, your cancer and you run into Karen and she is she feels like “That’s it, this is it. I’m off to the land of
KAREN:
Rocking chair
TAJCI:
Rocking chairs– which is nothing nothing bad about rocking chairs but if it’s not what you’re ready for,
KAREN:
Right
TAJCI:
Right?
STOWE:
No, she’s not ready
TAJCI:
She’s not ready. So what do you do? What did you ladies do?
STOWE:
Well I felt this little nudge in my spirit to ask her to write and she said yes and so we immediately got together and she
TAJCI:
And write because?
STOWE:
Because it was burning a hole in my soul. I’m a songwriter. I’ve been writing since I was 11.
TAJCI:
You’re right. And I remember from your story you were writing and then you took a break from it
STOWE:
Yeah
TAJCI:
Because you took care of your family
STOWE:
Yeah.
TAJCI:
And then these insecurities about “Am I enough? Am I good enough? Can I go back into the industry?” kicked in. So that was that fear that you have to overcome.
STOWE:
Yeah, but it’s, so yes so we got together and I had a new book out, “Flying High”
TAJCI:
Right.
STOWE:
And Karen, you know, said, “Well surely you’ve written the Flying High song.”
STOWE AND KAREN:
No.
KAREN:
So that’s the first one we wrote.
STOWE:
Yeah
TAJCI:
So Karen, was it, was Stowe bringing what you were needing at that point?
KAREN:
I have to say it snuck up on me. I thought we were just writing songs for her book and her project which was fine with me because I always liked her very much and we laughed a lot.
STOWE:
Yeah
KAREN:
And cried a lot together we just became really good friends really fast again but the duo thing just totally snuck up on
STOWE:
We were both surprised. Yeah.
TAJCI:
And how did that happen?
STOWE:
We didn’t go there we write a song and then she would record a version and I would sing harmony. And I would record a version and she would sing harmony.
KAREN:
Right. For our separate careers.
STOWE:
For our separate careers. Yeah.
KAREN:
And pretty soon a lot more things.
TAJCI:
Wow, interesting. So I, you know, I hear the one thing that’s really I think missing in our culture today is really this girlfriend support
STOWE:
Oh yeah.
TAJCI:
This girls, women coming together and really uplifting each other. We’re so hard on each other.
KAREN:
Yes.
TAJCI:
Do you think that’s part of the reason why we hide? Why we protect whatever? You know I always think about you know at church you look at all the women. We all look put together, you know? We’re all just, we’re trying.
KAREN:
I think you’re right actually I think unfortunately there’s there’s a lot of competition among women. But I do think I think it’s getting better.
STOWE:
I think it’s getting better. I want to step in that direction because I believe we’re starting to realize our strength and our power. And just you know that we are a lot of fun. We grew up, I grew up with a father who told me that men were smarter than women and so I felt that way all my life ad I always tried to be equal to a man. And I kind of ignored women because they weren’t as cool. But now, now I see that I was wrong that he was wrong. Women are really cool people.
TAJCI:
Yes
STOWE:
And so are men. I love us all.
TAJCI:
Absolutely, yes.
KAREN:
And if we can be a model for don’t be afraid of your middle age, and don’t be afraid of your 60’s and 70’s and 80’s and whatever because who knows what adventures are right around the corner.
TAJCI:
Tell me about the story of brokenness.
STOWE:
The idea for it came, I went to a retreat because I was still dealing with some things from my childhood—the brokenness of my childhood and you know you can’t hide that stuff forever. You have to deal with it. And when I went to this and it was just a few people there. It was a week-long thing and there was a large amount of brokenness going on and there was especially one man there who, he said, “I have to be broken before I can come out on the other side.” And yeah, I told Karen about that and that’s how that song was born because he realized like a seed you know if you put a seed in the ground it has to break
TAJCI:
Break
STOWE:
Before it can grow.
TAJCI:
Wow.
KAREN:
It really is our brokenness that connects other people to us and you know what I mean?
TAJCI:
Yeah.
KAREN:
When Stowe shares the story of her childhood, when I share my age and invite people my age and older to stand up and I applaud them, you know ? These things that we used to think what were our brokenness
STOWE:
Right
KAREN:
That’s what connects us.
TAJCI:
Yes, we’re here with Karen Taylor Good and Stowe Dailey talking about brokenness that makes us beautiful.
TAJCI:
My guests today are Karen Taylor Good and Stowe Dailey, two wonderful singer-songwriters, authors and just truth tellers and hopes breathers, that who you are, really. And I thank you for all that you’re doing. You know we’re talking about brokenness and how we are afraid to show it. We’re afraid to be vulnerable. The world has taught us to be strong, right? To not to air our dirty laundry. But there is a difference between whining or between you know just showing your dirty laundry and sharing the brokenness. Don’t you think? Why do you think we are we’re so afraid to show that brokenness?
STOWE:
I think we’re afraid that will be judged. Perhaps as we were as children maybe by those around us I don’t know but I all I know is that I’ve come to to see the beauty of sharing it because it helps other people sharing. We all have it.
TAJCI:
Yes. So Karen, when you were out on the road performing, you know, you mentioned there’s a lot of people that you could connect with, connect to you because of that you’re willing to share. So the stories that you hear, what do they bring to you?
KAREN:
Oh my, I mean there’s there’s a lot of us out there, especially women who are in a very tender place about their age. It makes me want to cry almost, you know, because unfortunately there are a lot of messages coming at us like those two magazine pieces and I just want to be a cheerleader
STOWE:
Yeah and you are
KAREN:
For that and say it really doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t mean anything.
STOWE:
And it’s so much easier to be real than it is to hide.
KAREN:
Oh my gosh, yes.
STOWE:
I mean the amount of energy it takes to hide
TAJCI:
Yes. You know I think sometimes we hide because we’re afraid that if we show up as we are that we’re going to be rejected. People are not going to love us if we show up the way we are at 60 or at 50 or at 20. The 20-year olds want to be older.
KAREN:
Right.
STOWE:
Yeah, yeah
TAJCI:
You know? But I think is that not being enough, be beautiful enough, smart enough, good enough. You’re good enough, young enough, wise enough. So you’re at the age where you should know. You shouldn’t be anything
KAREN:
Right
TAJCI:
Except who you are.
STOWE:
Yeah. We’re here to shake it up.
TAJCI:
Yes, absolutely. Alright, so I decided to, instead of talking about this being enough, you ladies have a beautiful song about it
STOWE:
Yes
TAJCI:
That says
KAREN:
This breath is enough. These words are enough. It’s just exactly the way we are what we are all doing right now it’s enough.
TAJCI:
It’s enough.
KAREN:
You’re good.
STOWE:
Where you are right now is enough.
TAJCI:
We’ll let the song speak about that.
STOWE:
Yeah
(SONG)
In this moment now,
I lay all struggle down
Searching for, wanting more
Now at last I’m free
These words are enough
This breath is enough
Oh what joy to breathe
The air of sweet relief
Letting go, no need to know
All will be revealed
These words are enough
These words are enough
This breath is enough
Once unveiled the mystery
I close my eyes to see
Perhaps the greater plan
Is knowing that I am enough
TAJCI:
Karen Taylor Good and Stowe Dailey, this song was beautiful. What if the greater plan was that I am enough? Listen to this, okay? Yes. Write those letters big on your wall because you are enough. Each of us is enough.
STOWE:
Yes.
KAREN:
Absolutely.
TAJCI:
Let’s do the fun stuff. Let’s do the one word answers.
STOWE:
No
TAJCI:
Okay. So we’ll just go, you know, we’ll just go one by one. Ready?
STOWE:
Okay
TAJCI:
What makes you most awakened?
STOWE:
My alarm clock?
TAJCI:
Biggest challenge?
KAREN:
I have to say trying not to be in control of my 32-year old daughter’s life
TAJCI:
Biggest fear?
STOWE:
That Karen won’t want to sing with me anymore
TAJCI:
Most grateful for?
KAREN:
This woman in my life
TAJCI:
What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?
STOWE:
I just relax and let my being, I’m grateful for the day. I just melt.
TAJCI:
Last book you read?
KAREN:
Could be E-Squared by Pam Grout. Fabulous.
TAJCI:
I believe in?
STOWE:
Love
TAJCI:
All that our world needs is?
KAREN:
Love and music
TAJCI:
If I could abolish anything from the earth it would be?
STOWE:
Staples
KAREN:
Stables?
STOWE:
Well, they hurt when you step on them.
TAJCI:
Sometimes it’s little things. Favorite food?
KAREN:
Chocolate
TAJCI:
Favorite local charity?
STOWE:
The Next Door
TAJCI:
What do they do?
STOWE:
They help women who have, you know, had a difficult life and then they’re coming back into
KAREN:
Prison
STOWE:
Coming out of prison
TAJCI:
Beautiful. Who do you want to help most?
KAREN:
My 32-year old daughter.
TAJCI:
Dogs or cats?
STOWE:
Dogs
TAJCI:
South or north?
KAREN:
North
TAJCI:
Sweets or sugar? No wait, sweet or savory?
STOWE:
Savory
TAJCI:
Heels or flats?
KAREN:
Flats
TAJCI:
Hats or gloves?
STOWE:
Hats
TAJCI:
Ballads or tempos?
KAREN:
Ballads
TAJCI:
Most healing thing is?
STOWE:
Sleep
TAJCI:
This year I claim
KAREN:
Oh, this year I claim new, exciting adventures for Stowe-Good.
TAJCI:
And this year
STOWE:
I’m right there with it. This year I claim peace in my soul.
TAJCI:
Alright, so now I have an email from a viewer. Okay. So Anne Marie from California says, “What role does spirituality have in helping you determine your purpose?”
STOWE:
Well, knowing in my being that all that I have—my body and my gifts—come from my Creator. And then it’s it’s following the guidance that I get especially when I’m still not still enough but when I am I’m asking questions of “God,” you know, “What should I do? What should I say? What’s my purpose for today?” and then following that.
TAJCI:
Yeah so always asking
STOWE:
Yeah
TAJCI:
And you mentioned that stillness. You know, that’s probably one of the things that we don’t like because that stillness brings out our brokenness and we have to deal with it. And perhaps our purpose, the brokenness is a part of our purpose because, you know, as we’re discovering it if we show up with it we are making the world a better place like the two of you are doing right now and in your shows and through your music. What would you say, Karen?
KAREN:
It’s funny. I feel like that my working relationship with Stowe has brought a lot more spirituality out. When we remember on most days and most days always go better we actually say a prayer and I used to feel kinda shy about that, you know? Oh a prayer, really? But I’ll tell you what, there’s something about connecting with another human being and being still and just giving thanks and then asking questions and listening for the answer. So it’s big.
STOWE:
It is big.
TAJCI:
Wow, thank you so much.
STOWE:
Thank you.
TAJCI:
Let’s introduce your song you’re going to do for us, The Beautiful Brokenness. And that’s also your album, isn’t it?
KAREN:
Right
TAJCI:
Yes. So we’ll have a link for the viewers to come and check it out.
STOWE:
Thank you
KAREN:
So in the Japanese art of Kintsugi when there’s a cracked vase they don’t throw it away or hide it in the dark basement actually they fill the cracks with gold because they say it’s the brokenness that makes them more valuable and more beautiful.
TAJCI:
So every wrinkle, every scar, every pain that we carry in our soul gets to be filled with gold especially when we embrace it and then just share it, embrace it. Thank you.
KAREN:
Yeah.
(song)
TAJCI:
It’s absolutely frightening to be real, to be broken and to show up as is. But I challenge you to have courage. Listen to this episode again. Visit us at WakingUpRevolution.com you’ll find a lot of helpful tools to help you create that turning point and embrace living just the way you are.
