“No Complaints Challenge (Joe Kirin)” – Season 2, Episode 3. Released on January 27, 2015.
INTRO:
JOE: What would it be like if for one day you just didn’t complain? Like, complaining wasn’t an option? What would you do?
Today I’m in Chicago with the founder of “No Complains Day” Joe King Kirin. As a business and life coach and through his music Joe inspires the best in people and lives out his mother’s gift of no complaining.
BUMPER:
I am Tajci.
At 19 I was a superstar and I was lost inside. I left it all behind, switched continents and started all over. Years later I found myself lost again. This time in the American dream.
This is a story about awakening. About living the life you were created for. About going inward and discovering the joyous and purposeful person you and I are both meant to be.
This is “Waking Up In America.”
TAJCI:
So what if you could actually create your waking up moment by using a huge shift in how you live a day – one day in your life – by not complaining. Do you think it’s possible?
So, in August of last year I actually tried that and I have to say that within a first three hours I failed, like, seven times and then I complained about failing, so I decided: Oh well I’m just gonna try again. But luckily this was on a special day created by an amazing man I met through several people on my journey including Penny, a great singer songwriter from Nashville.
This guy, Joe, created the “No Complaints Day Challenge” that went viral year and luckily he gave a set of rules that helped me get through my day. So Joe I’m so glad! Thank you so much for finally being on my show!
JOE:
Thank you, thank you for having me
TAJCI:
Okay Joe, give me a little background like how did you grow up you know something about yourself that you’d like our viewers to know.
JOE:
I grew up in the Chicagoland area in a suburb called Lyons and my parents are both Croatian and as we grew up my dad used to played tamburica music and eventually through the lodges that they had in Chicago they formed a junior Croatian folklore group in which I learned how to play tamburica myself and learn to sing and dance but I didn’t dance too much I stayed with the tamburica and I played for dancing. That was by design.
TAJCI:
Cause you don’t like to dance?
JOE:
I realize I didn’t at that time I didn’t like dancing with girls at the time. I do today but, you know, I wish I knew that back then
TAJCI:
How old were you then?
JOE:
Nine-years-old
TAJCI:
Nine years old. Yea, that’s a tough time to dance with girls. It’s funny because my dad played guitar all of his life and I never saw him dancing. But you know it’s interesting that with your Croatian background…
I thought that Croatians complain most of all and here you are. Did you grow up with a lot of complaining in your family!
JOE:
Lot of complaining? Well, I think we had the same amount of complaining as any family has anywhere else. There’s always something to complain about every day for everybody – the weather.
TAJCI:
And so now you live in Chicago and you mostly play. And music is your passion?
JOE:
Music is one of my passions in life, making a difference for people is another passion and I really enjoy participating in those two passions of mine. That’s just what I love to do and really enjoy it and glad I have the opportunities to do.
TAJCI:
So now tell us about the No Complaining Day – how did that come to be?
JOE:
In April of 2014 my mother passed away and as I was going through the year… her birthday is in August. August 12th in fact. About ten days before her birthday came up, I was on Facebook just like everybody else and I was looking through all the posts that people would post and I started to notice the amount of complaining people do on Facebook and they complain about something and then it it’s there and then it’s gone. It doesn’t really do anything it doesn’t do anything for the complaint and it doesn’t really change anything it just you might say begets more complaining.
TAJCI:
Yes it just clutters the space.
JOE:
Yeah, it just brings more complaining. And I thought Geez, what would be like if, if for one day you just didn’t complain like complaining wasn’t an option, what would you do? How would your day be?
While mom was sick for the first three months of the year I noticed how little she complained about the challenges that she faced in particular her health challenges whether doctors or nurses asked her to do something that would at times just be like surprise – they would have her do that. But she just met that challenge and took it on with courage and dignity. I thought that was inspiring and I thought well, maybe we could have that day on her birthday. And from those thoughts the No Complaints Day Challenge got born.
TAJCI:
Yes, you know sometimes those big life moments – when we are faced with illness or we come to a place in life where we realize okay, the complaining is not gonna help me – if I change, shift my attitude, maybe that will do more for me and my health. And usually, I’m talking really about those waking up moments [it happens]. It seems to me that you tried to use that… because your mother was such a witness to – why complain, it’s not gonna do much. You’re saying what if we can – without this wake up call, without this something that makes us, puts us in this situation where.. […we feel helpless] – what if we could consciously not complain and then see what happens to us and how that action shifts and creates the wake up moment?
JOE:
Exactly, and you make a great point there – that most people don’t realize or notice the amount of complaining they do from day-to-day. When you shine a light on that, people become aware of it and they are like, wow, I didn’t know I did that or I didn’t know I was complaining about that so often and it makes a difference. There’s actually something they can do about it rather than being at the effect of their own complaining.
TAJCI:
Yeah, we create our own thought process, our own culture of thought that then tricks us into… it actually creates our existence. It creates a reality
JOE:
Exactly, exactly
TAJCI:
So what happened on August 12th last year?
JOE:
Well, a whole lot of people from around the world took on the challenge after first few days of creating the event on Facebook. I thought we’d have 25, 50 even 100 people – I thought would be a great thing but it just grew and by the time the day came around about 6,000 people had said that they would participate and there were people from I remember China and Brazil and all over Europe and India… it was very cool to see people wanting to participate and also that they saw it as something of value that might make a difference for them. Some people didn’t even know if they could do it but they said no I’m gonna do this anyway. I think you’re one of those people.
TAJCI:
Yes! And then somebody also brought up a good point: what if somebody else is complaining? You had some guidance on that?
JOE:
If somebody else is complaining? Is to just let them complain right? Just let them have their say about whatever they want to say maybe they’re not playing a challenge but it’s okay
TAJCI:
Cause you can’t complain about them not complaining
JOE:
Well you could but like I said I think if you wind up complaining and you fall off the horse you dust yourself off and just move forward. Nobody got disqualified.
TAJCI:
Yes, yes I love that rule and I also like what you said it’s not adding something onto your already busy life and cluttered thoughts, right? You’re actually releasing something.
JOE:
You’re taking something out of your day that might actually make a difference for you.
TAJCI:
What made a difference in your life? Have you had a waking up moment?
JOE:
Well in doing to challenge I started to see the complaints I have about myself. I started to see the complains I have about others and I don’t even speak about them, they kind of just resonate in my mind. And now moving forward from that moment whenever I think about the challenge or I think about, we had wrist bands that we have from the challenge – it gives me access to that moment to say okay do I need to complain about this or is this a complaint that I really wanna complain about going forward or is it a complaint that I actually want to do something about and resolve it so it’s no longer a complaint for me?
TAJCI:
Excellent point! So years ago when my kids were very little I was a at a certain store – a big store – big chain store. I was there with one of my babies in the car seat and he was crying and he needed to be nursed and my toddler was in the cart and I pushed the cart to the wrong side of the cashier and so she said I’m not going to help you, I can’t push the cart for you because your children are in there and… anyway it was a big deal. My kids were screaming, everybody was looking at me and I said, but just please help me. She said no I can’t help you and you need to just leave the store, because I’m not gonna even help you.
I just felt like I wanted to complain and I said I wanted to complain, and she said no you’re going to leave the store. So I left the store and then I said, you know I’m not going to. I’m powerless. Can I complain? Who can I complain to? Is there a valid time to complain?
JOE:
I think people always have situations where they have legitimate complaints and they can take action about those complaints. There are certainly times when people have a legitimate complaint that they should take it to a manager. Certainly all of us have been in a restaurant from time to time where we’ve gotten service that was lacking or it didn’t meet our expectations and it’s okay to complain. It’s another thing to have the complaints and then leave with it and then complain to everybody else about that complaint and you do nothing about it.
You actually talk to people that can’t do anything about the complaint.
TAJCI:
Ah, there’s a good point! Yes, you direct your complaint to a wrong person and you’re just releasing the bad energy when it’s not directed properly.
JOE:
Exactly! If somebody can’t do anything about your complaint, every time you speak about that complaint, it actually makes them feel worse, you know what I mean? I think people get so used to doing it they don’t realize that you actually feel stress or irritation from it having it not be resolved. And the moment it’s resolved it’s gone – it’s off the table and you move on and most the time I would think people move on freely, lighter!
TAJCI:
Yes absolutely. And you shared with me how you’re passionate about helping people, you said that earlier – and of course you do it through music. But you also do it through coaching and you shared with me that you have particular tools to offer?
JOE:
It’s always been there for me to help people, to talk to people and through the years I’ve done all kinds of different [things] – read books or I’ve participated in programs. I did a lot of programs at Landmark and I got a lot of training there and as I improved myself and I increased my training I became better, more effective at helping people and the more affective I became the more I loved to do it, and the more made a difference for people.
So I really love helping people and the “No Complaints Day Challenge” is a tool in and of itself that people could just use. You don’t have to just use it on August 12th you can use it any day in fact I suggested that people use it on Thanksgiving of this year. Where are there more complaints than at Thanksgiving dinner table at Thanksgiving right?
So quite a couple hundred people said yeah I’m gonna do that too just to see what it’s like what what can happen. So they used that tool on that day.
TAJCI:
Well thank you so much for, just bringing anything into our awareness, these habits that we create, we have, we develop that really prevent us from living the life were created for, from being who we are made to be. You know I really believe that. So thank you
And as a Croatian I am so happy that… you know, my children are kind like in your shoes – I’m Croatian my husband is not and they’re they’re growing up obviously as Americans and… I try to teach them Croatian. So when I hear someone like yourself speak and have this love for Croatian music and all music actually it’s really a big gift. So thank you!
JOE:
Thank you! It’s great having your partnership in making a difference in the world.
TAJCI:
Aw, thank you and of course we’re gonna challenge our viewers to take up the No Complaints Challenge. We will of course have links to Joe King. How did you get the nickname King?
JOE:
King? Well it’s actually my middle name and it was my dad’s middle name too.
TAJCI:
How beautiful!
JOE:
So that’s where that came from. I wasn’t self-appointed.
TAJCI:
That’s great.
JOE:
By the way, August 12th of 2015 will be our second annual “No Complaints Day Challenge”
TAJCI:
Oh yes by then will flood the earth with no complaints.
JOE:
Yes exactly
TAJCI:
So yes pick up any day, or just on any day try to see, to be aware of the complaining that you do and see if you can do without. Except when there’s legitimate complaint directed to the right person.
Sometimes a good way to stay away from complaining is to sing. In Croatia, a few years ago I was traveling with the team of people I worked with there and they were all these young people. There was two of us girls and three guys and we spent four hours in the car and the entire time these guys were singing song after song. And through these songs, it was almost like they were releasing, whatever it was on their hearts and speaking, expressing what they were feeling. You shared something similar that through music you find…
JOE:
Totally! Through music, I’m sure you know this, you just forget about any kind of complaints you have and just express yourself in your music and the words.
TAJCI:
And sometimes you can… and that’s why I think some people say I don’t sing. And I’ve heard a lot of people say: I don’t sing. And I often think is it fear?
Because when you sing, your entire inside, your heart, your soul gets into that frequency of your voice of your breath that carries the voice and there’s a connection I believe you know with God, with the divine but sometimes it’s scary, because of what comes out of that soul.
Sometimes we get so touched moved to tears, the tears start rolling, I’ve experienced that in my concerts, people just experience that music and they involuntarily start crying. But you said you not only forget about your complaints but you can really release and let go but for some people it’s scary sometimes
JOE:
Yeah, many times after I’ve played a gig or something by the end of the night I don’t remember half of the complaints I walked in with.
TAJCI:
One more thing I want to ask you: what about complaints we have about ourselves?
JOE:
I think those are probably the most important to notice.
I think the complaints we have about ourselves often show up in the complaints we have about other people and I think if you deal with the ones that you have about yourself or at least give yourself some space for your humanity, I think you will wind up giving space to everybody else and have a whole lot more peace for yourself and for others and for your life and for the world.
TAJCI:
And nobody says it’s easy. But it helps us to open up. And that’s [also] why I feel music helps, like silence, like these tools that we talked about – to wake up.
So let’s sing!
JOE:
Okay let’s do it!
TAJCI:
The song that you are going to sing.
JOE:
“Da te mogu pismom zvati”, which you know and I think that translates to “If my song calls to you then I’ll sing forever.”
TAJCI:
Forever! Yes!
JOE:
You were to me
like dewdrops to flowers
From my lips you drank
love and happiness.
And I would love
to approach you with my song
there is as much love as
there is oil in a lamp
If I could reach you with my song
I would sing all my life long
If only I could bring back
the time when we were happy together
JOE & TAJCI:
If I could reach you with my song
I would sing, I wouldn’t stop
If only the old love could return
my song would never end.
If I could reach you with my song
I would sing, I wouldn’t stop
If only the old love could return
my song would never end.
If only the old love could return
my song would never end.
I forgot to take a breath!
TAJCI:
Beautiful! No it was great! You are complaining!
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